When I started submitting the manuscript for Delivered Unto Lions to various agents and publishers, I was offering it as a work of fiction. I stressed that it had a factual basis, but I didn’t really give much clue as to the details of that factual basis. In fact, the book is very closely based on my own experience as child mental patient in the 1970s, but being aware of the stigma associated with mental health problems, I wanted to put some personal distance between me and what I had written. In taking this approach, I was living very cautiously. And as it happens, none of the agents or publishers I approached showed any interest in my book – with the exception of one publisher who was willing to put it out for an ‘author contribution’ just short of £10,000!
Yesterday afternoon (Sunday, 28 November 2010), I attended a Memorial Meeting celebrating the life of Edward Stanley Nattrass (1920-2010), who died suddenly on 21 October. The meeting was held at the local Friends’ Meeting House according to the Quaker tradition to which Stan belonged. Many of the people who spoke at the meeting had known Stan for decades. Although I had only known him for about three and a half years, he had been a good friend to me.
When I was exploring the possibility of becoming a Quaker myself (which I did, in due course), Stan was one of the people who particularly befriended me. He patiently answered all my questions, and posed quite a few of his own. I particularly enjoyed hearing some of his anecdotes about the various things he had done in his very full life.
As well as being a Quaker, Stan was very involved in various spheres of community life. He was chairman of the Bognor Regis Housing Trust (an organisation supporting the homeless), and an active member of both the Littlehampton Town Twinning Association and the local History Society. He was also a Labour Party campaigner and activist. And he was always very courageous in standing up for what he believed.
In recounting some of his experiences to me, Stan spoke with amusement and humility, telling stories about his involvement in protests, some of which took place in other countries in the face of sometimes very intimidating police and security forces. He also referred to the rather mischievous attitude he adopted towards certain authority figures when he took on the role of ‘McKenzie Friend’ in the early ’90s, assisting in the defence of individuals who refused to pay the controversial Community Charge (‘Poll Tax’).
Needless to say, not everyone would agree with Stan’s passionately held religious and political views, but no one would deny his courage in holding fast to his values.
Since Stan’s death, two well-loved Quaker phrases have been used over and over again in the tributes that have been paid to him: ‘Let your life speak’ and ‘Live adventurously’. Stan’s life certainly did speak, and, of course, he lived adventurously.
By contrast, my attitude when trying to get Delivered Unto Lions published was very guarded. But I discovered the mistake I was making when I submitted my manuscript to CheckPoint Press, Ireland. The editor at CheckPoint got back to me with two alternative offers. I could pay CheckPoint a three-figure sum to have my novel published as a fictional work, or I could come clean about the factual background and have it published as biography under a traditional ‘no fees’ contract. I chose the latter – the ‘no fees’ option (and avoidance of the ‘vanity publishing’ tag) was very persuasive!
With Delivered Unto Lions, I did not set out to live adventurously; I wanted to be cautious. But in the end I made the right choice (even if not necessarily for the right reasons). I took ‘ownership’ of the experience which had prompted my book, and allowed the novel come out supported by a new openness about my past. In doing this I hope I have made it possible for other people with similar histories to take ‘ownership’ of their experiences too.
The lesson I take from Stan Nattrass is that I shouldn’t have had to think twice about living adventurously. At least I got there in the end – but I won’t try to kid anyone that I intended it this way.
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Delivered Unto Lions by David Austin is published by CheckPoint Press.
For more information visit www.davidaustin.eu
For more information visit www.davidaustin.eu
David,that is a fine tribute to your friend Stan Nattrass.
ReplyDeleteTo lose someone who has had such an influence on you through his friendship towards you and the way he lived his life must leave an empty space - yet he will still be speaking to you in your memories of the things he told you.
I feel slightly ashamed that, even with the title of this article challenging me, I have again opted to be labelled 'anonymous'!
If I tell you that I have a story similar to yours that I could relate if I had the know-how (---and the courage!) and if I tell you that I have already written to you and told you that your book has made a great difference to the way I feel about the secret that I have kept in a dark place for many years, you, at least, may know who I am.
The courage shown by Daniel in your book, 'Delivered Unto Lions' caused him to face more punishment. He was speaking up about the mistreatment of the other children in the unit. He knew that his actions would curry him no favours with the staff but he did it anyway. He could have looked the other way and made things easier for himself - but he was not thinking of himself. Several times he put himself in that same situation knowing what the outcome would be.
In all that darkness and gloom, fear and despondency in the Unit, I think his actions may have had an effect. Perhaps things would have been worse had he not been brave enough to speak out about the violations.
There will be those today who have the same affectionate memories for the friendship and support that you showed them in their troubled times as you have for Stan.
When I read your book, I was immediately gripped with a feeling of awe that you had the courage to compile those memories and experiences and take them to print.
I am extremely grateful that you did and that I heard about its publication -- it is as I told you; I no longer have such deep feelings of guilt and shame.
I still do not have the boldness to do as you suggest and take 'ownership of the experience' - yet I wish I could experience that same openness about my past as I know would naturally follow if I were able to utilise that advice.
What I do know is that the experience has made me sensitive to the needs of others and I will keep Daniel in mind if ever I am tempted that it would be easier just to turn away.
I'm very grateful for your comments, Anonymous. There are, of course, many good reasons why some people may not wish to be completely open about past experiences of this kind (e.g. current employment, other positions of responsibility, impact on family, etc.). I don't think that taking 'ownership of the experience' necessarily means you have to tell everyone. It sound to me that you, in your own way, have already started to take 'ownership' in a way that is appropriate for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, David for your encouragement.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about the words you wrote about your friend, Stan Nattrass. It does not surprise me that you had such comradeship - Stan was active in helping the homeless in the Bognor Regis area --- a minority group of society, often looked down upon by those with more 'normal' domestic circumstances. He was like Daniel; he didn't turn away and follow the easy path. He stepped into their situation and did what he could to help. There will have been a cost to him. Maybe he was able to enjoy his own comforts at home but he will have taken to his home the burdens of concern he had for his fellow humans and endeavoured to work out ways to improve their lifestyle.'Standing up for what he believed' must have caused him to be unpopular with some at times.
So now Stan has departed this life but he has spoken to me, who didn't even know him, through your eulogy.
It is surprisingly uplifting to be challenged by the items I read here. No person has been unscathed, to some degree, by life's events yet we can put the knocks we have had into perspective when we read of the determined efforts of some people to be fighting corners on behalf of others. The 'someones' who genuinely care-----